Stacked: The zodiac signs as pancakes, as per an astrologist

This list is stacked.

Capricorn comedian Dave Attel, in true earth sign style mused, “I wanna get a picayune drunkard, but I as well want some pancakes.”

8 days a week, Dave.

Apropos of this wanting, National Pancake Solar day, celebrated in 2023 on Feb 21, coincides with Mardi Gras. The hot griddled holiday is rooted in Shrove Tuesday celebrations, wherein the pious gather on the mean solar day before Lent to consider their wickedness, burn terminal yr’southward palm leaves and eat an ungodly amount of pancakes.

Pancakes have been consumed by humans since prehistoric times, with the archeological tape suggesting our ancestors starting grinding fern flour and cooking it atop heated rocks, greased with animal fat, some 30,000 years ago.

One of the most famous dead men/mummies in history, Otzi the Iceman, is believed to have enjoyed a last repast of pancakes before perishing in the Alps. Residuum in pancake peace sweet prince.

Pancakes got proper effectually the year 600 BCE when a Greek poet wrote a rhapsody nearly them, laying the batter for Leo Julia Childs who alleged, “Drama is very important in life: Yous have to come on with a bang. You lot never desire to go out with a whimper. Everything can have drama if information technology’s done right. Even a pancake.” In honor of assuming b****es and the hot cakes they flip, we bring you lot a list of the zodiac signs as pancakes.

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

Poly peptide pancakes

Protein pancakes
Protein pancakes are made for those looking to put the power in power hungry.

Aries is the showtime sign in the zodiac and as such has a lot of free energy to expend, mistakes to make, bad jokes to utter, rage to burn down and assailment to exorcise. Ruled by war lord, fist bump, jock planet Mars, these people are the zodiac equivalent of a poly peptide pancake, built for speed and eating for fuel.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

Banana pancakes

Banana pancakes.
Bulls were built-in for banana pacakes.

Taurus is the assistant pancake of the zodiac based on the lyrics of one of their own, a certain Jack Johnson who essentially sings to the spirit of the bull in his 2005 bop “Banana Pancakes.” In no uncertain terms, our many tries to convince his lover to stay in bed with the telephone off, accept rainy day sexual practice, eat carbohydrates and fake like its the weekend. A Taurus poem if ever at that place was one.

Cheque out more than of The Postal service’s food astrology content:

  • What ice cream flavor are you based on your zodiac sign?
  • Here’southward which beer embodies your zodiac sign
  • What kind of pizza are you based on your zodiac sign?
  • What wine are you lot based on your zodiac sign?

GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)

Cottage cheese pancakes

Cottage cheese pancakes, like Geminis are better in person than on newspaper.

Initially off putting just delightfully unexpected, Gemini is the cottage cheese pancake of the zodiac stack. Easy to get together with minimal ingredients, this hot block hits the sweetness spot for the terminally distracted Gemini who was born to spill the tea and chew the curd.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

Lemon ricotta pancakes

Lemon ricotta pancakes (1)
Tart bordering on bitter, Cancer is the lemon ricotta pancake of the zodiac.

In add-on to being both bright and tart, Cancer rules the stomach and natives are decumbent to tummy upset and outright belly aching. For evidence, wait no further than Cancer and avowed vegan Jaden Smith who waged Twitter war against the Four Seasons Hotel in Toronto for “spiking” his stack of lemon ricotta pancakes with cheese in an set on that left him surprised to exist alive. Death before but not because of dairy, my dudes.

LEO (July 23 – Baronial 22)

Strawberry pancakes

Strawberry pancake
Strawberry pancakes, like the average Leo, are made to stand out.

Ruled by the sun and represented past the kingly king of beasts, Leo is the most royal sign in the zodiac. In kind, strawberries have long been considered a noble fruit, with one of the oldest varieties crowning itself La Princess Royale. Leos have a reputation for testify boating and the strawberry is a scrap of a glory hog, lasciviously red, warmed by the summertime sun with its seeds on display for all the world to encounter.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

Cinnamon ringlet pancakes

Cinnamon pancakes
The downward screw of the cinnamon roll pancake is a metaphor for Virgo.

Virgos are big on presentation, training and perfection and are apt to full out screw when their plans and plans are derailed. The is a modality made metaphorically manifest in the signature swirl/doom coil batter glyph of the cinnamon roll pancake.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

Pumpkin pancakes

Pumpkin pancakes
Pumpkin pancakes are as photogenic as they are seasonally advisable.

In the Northern Hemisphere, pumpkins are in their patch picking prime during Libra season. Equally pretty every bit they are pop, pumpkin pancakes, similar the average Libra, pair well with vintage linens and getting blackness out drunk at brunch.

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)

Potato pancakes

Potato pancakes
Scorpios are salty AF and beloved anything rooted in ritual.

Scorpio folk tend to be more outwardly salty than sweetness. Innately suspicious of others, it takes some time (IE emotional eons) before a scorpion is willing to share intimacies or to reveal the sugared center that lives in all of them. For this reason they are, upon offset encounter, a chip of a irish potato pancake, rooted in ritual with sharply fried edges.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

Chocolate chip pancakes

Chocolate chip pancakes
Archers live by the creed let the proficient times roll and the chocolate chips fall where they may.

Nothing says let the good times roll or the laissez faire parenting reign quite like a stack of chocolate chip pancakes. As the resident dispenser of fun, philosophy and venereal diseases Sagittarius is the sign synonymous with relaxed restrictions, extra fries (poker and chocolate alike) and the natural devotee of dessert for breakfast.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – Jan 19)

Blueberry pancakes

Blueberry pancakes.
Dad vibes and antioxidants abound in the blueberry pancake.

Capricorn represents the archetype of the father figure and Cap daddy John Fable is total ocean caprine animal in his recipe for Sunday morning pater familias success. According to the man himself, these pancakes, “Are not fancy. What they are is perfect. Fluffy, sweet, comforting, and and so simple to make…This recipe is what I make for our kids for our weekly tradition.” Rich in antioxidants and steeped in tradition? Designed to feed the legions simply and soulfully and so they might go forth and prosper? Pure pour Capricorn.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

Japanese pancake

Japanese pancakes
Loftier on air and their own ideals, Aquarius is the Japanese pancake of the zodiac.

Past all accounts, Japanese pancakes gustation like clouds, the natural habitat of Aquarians who adopt imaginary characters to existent people and ideals to activeness. As a fixed air sign, it tracks that water bearers would identify with a pancake that relies on current of air power and a salubrious chirapsia to attain its famous fluff.

PISCES (Feb 19 – March xx)

Existential buttermilk pancakes cooked on a woods stove

Pisces like their pancakes with a side of shack dwelling and existential poetry.

Pisces is the terminal sign in the zodiac, the final end earlier embarking into death, dissolving and the great unknown. This vantage lends them the vibe of the existential escape artist, surmised in the following hot block hot take by Pisces Jack Kerouac,

“The world you lot encounter is only a pic in your mind.
Rocks don’t meet information technology.
Bless and sit down down.
Forgive and forget.
…I will try to teach it but information technology will
be in vain, s’why I’ll
stop up in a shack
praying and being
cool and singing
by my woods stove
making pancakes.”

Astrology 101: Your guide to the stars

  • The 12 zodiac signs
  • What are the astrology houses
  • Here’s what each planet represents
  • Sun, moon and rising signs: Get to know your Big 3

Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports dorsum on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poesy, pop civilization and personal experience. She is also an achieved writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Amongst the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for swoop bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.


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